Thursday, February 02, 2006
Look Mum! A Geisha!! A Geisha!!!

Somebody!! Anyone!! Get Sayuri a bottle of Loreal Anti-Dandruff shampoo!!!

***Spoiler Alert***
Unless you've already watched the film or yearning for me to spoil it for you, DO NOT read on...
***Spoiler Alert***


As you have guessed, I've just watch the highly criticized film, Memoirs of a Geisha. It is a film about a small, young beautiful girl named Chiyo, being sold to a Okiya ( a Geisha House ) due to her HONOURED father's decision. The whole story revolves around that little girl with eyes of rain, who will one day become one of the most celebrated Geisha in Japan. There are many obstacles that the young Chiyo have to face. Namely, the evil bitch Hatsumomo ( played by Gong Li ), surviving falling off rooftops, and last but not least, learning how to stop a man in his tracks with just one glance.

I find the movie too DRAMA( and not to mention irrational ). Eels in Caves? Please! If Geisha Mamas will use thier fingers to pry for body fluids in the you-know-where regions, won't they be using a more vulgar language altogether? And what do you call spermatozoa in this case? Eel Vomit?
Also there's this part whereby the Baron wanted Sayuri to change Kimonos. There's this one sentence that he said: I just want to see! Like what the kids in I Not Stupid Too always say, Lame! Tell me where on Earth is there a guy perverted and desperate enough to force women to strip and than just shout: I just wanna see!! *roll eyes* and leave after seeing! This is retarded!
Do I have to mention the dance?

Frankly speaking, I'll rather Chiyo not grow up.

On a more personal count,
I also want to be a Geisha! Do not get me wrong! The word 'Gei' stands for ART in Japanese! And the word Geisha means a Practioner of the Arts! However, for me, I wanna be the Practioner of the Magical Arts! So if there is no difference between the two, than Harry Potter is a Geisha too! Than the witch can be Hatsumomo and the fairy godmothers, Mameha. Kirrthana can be a Maiko, since she's studying Arts and Social Science!

I mean, being the top Geisha in Singapore can't be that hard! All I have to do is to
1) Wear coloured contact lenses
2) cry by the Causeway and wait for a handsome and young Lady to stop and buy be melted Chocolate.
3)Smear some chocolate on my lips and say : Look! I'm a Geisha!
4) Take off with her change in a handkerchief with her initials on it and run to Si Ma Lu, ( making sure that I do not use the money to buy rice Or fish OR melted chocolate for a month )
5) Ring a Bell
6) and pray that the Radio will broadcast something saying: Adolf Hitler is our Friend!!

Opps! I forgot! There's also the part where I have to stop a person in his/her track with a glance! Now that's difficult for if I were to do that, I'll either end up in a hospital with bruises and cuts on my face OR stuck in a police station after being reported for harrasment.

But after overcoming every single obstacles and becoming the top Geisha in Singapore, I must remember one thing..

This is not the Memoirs of a Emperor. This is not the Memoirs of a King.
This is the Memoirs of another kind..
An Idiot...

ciaoz~